Inimitability
by SkItZoFrEaK
Summary: Please read with an open mind and a basket of rotten peaches...trust me. You'll want them at the end.


Inimitability  
Or  
Things I Noticed In The World Of Laby Fanfiction  
  
By: SkItZoFrEaK  
Note: If, in my personal attempts to serve and please my muse and my audience (real or imaginary), I have offended anyone or thing, please accept my deepest apology, and know that I only intended to poke fun at the pomposity and occasional lack of originality or forethought in some fics (including my own). And please know that if I have in any way offended you, in your tiny box world, that while I am bowing my apologies I am secretly laughing at you, along with every other author on the net or off. Yes, it IS as bad as you think and we ARE out to get you. With that said, please read on. And:  
  
"Beware, for the path you follow will lead to certain destruction!!! Thank you very much."  
  
AND (don't you just hate me?) PLEASE READ THE FOOTNOTES!!! Otherwise you will probably think I am a horrible [censored] with no sense of decency or respect for other's works or feelings. And while this may or may not be true, it certainly isn't the feeling I hope you come away with in the end....assuming you make it to the end...mwahahahah[censored]hahahahhaahah.....hey....why is there a censor in my evil laughter? Management!!  
  
**************  
  
I can't help but notice it, as I scan down the lists. Over and over again, different authors, different titles, different styles to each story and yet...yet every one seems related to another. Funny, how something as unlimited and unpredictable as the Labyrinth can be displayed in such a limited manner. I will attempt, in my own humble way, to point out these reoccurring themes, so that you may know them for the overused, redundant clichés they are, and avoid them like the plague...or, if that be your nature, embrace them with foolish but admirable enthusiasm. The choice is yours. Ready? Too bad. I'm going to start anyway.  
  
First and foremost is the romance. Almost every fanfic I have read involves romance to some degree. There are two main views. One: the Goblin King falls in love with/has always been in love with/is denying he is in love with one Sarah Williams. Sometimes she's fifteen, sometimes she's thirty-five, sometimes she's old and it's more of a bittersweet what-might-have-been fic. Also: swap 'Goblin King' and 'Sarah Williams' in the preceding sentence. Whatever the circumstances, it's usually the one pining for the other. For some odd reason (probably because the authors are largely female) it's the Goblin King who pines the worst...afore-mentioned King, by the way, finds this enormously funny. The second romance theme is what is not always affectionately referred to as a 'Mary Sue' theme [1]. The Mary Sue falls in love with the King and vice versa, not always in that order. Another laugh for the cruel King. I guess he's just not into the whole love gig...too bad.  
  
Then comes the 'evil Jareth' themes. Sarah/the Mary Sue [2] must face the Labyrinth to get her family member/friend/boyfriend/pet (not that last one yet, but I'm waiting) back after foolishly wishing them away. Or, someone else wishes Sarah/the Mary Sue away and...she has to go through the Labyrinth or face Jareth in the showdown to gain her freedom. Wait a second! That isn't fair!  
  
But of course, we knew that already, didn't we?  
  
Continuing with the evil Jareth plotlines: he does a lot of appearing and reappearing in puffs of glitter [3] and intimidating people...without ever actually hurting them. Much like the real King. Oh, shut up Jareth, I was joking! And no, I'm NOT intimidated by the BOES anymore. Been there, smelt that, get a new threat already? How about a Desert of Perpetual Glare? Field of Endless Spooky Shadows [4]? Marsh of Constant Racket? You can have my little brother to start things off...consider it a peace offering.   
  
Where was I? Oh, yes.   
  
Then we have gory fics. "S/He was in agony." That's always a nice way to start, isn't it? Let's see, we launch the story with the prior sentence, or something similar, and then it's blood blood blood, pain pain pain, plot, blood blood pain, agony, tears, blood blood blood, guts, plot, death, blood blood blood...I think you get the idea. And not surprisingly, it usually ends with everyone dying [5].  
  
Next are the 'I wrote this at three a.m. on a sugar high and I know it isn't very good but I hope you read and review anyway and tell me I'm wonderful just the same." Actually, the summary usually comes out like this: "i wrote this @ 3 am an i was on a suger hih (insert little face picture here) so its relly icky but anywayz r&r ad i hope you like it (insert second little face picture here)" Sometimes, the summary, or rather, the disclaimer, is so long or contains so many little faces [6] that we end up with ... finishing it off for us, leaving us to wonder just what the heck 'the love story' (title) is all about.   
  
Oh, go away, Jareth. Stop laughing over my shoulder. I'm not writing this for your amusement...unless, of course, you read 'Storyteller [7].' But let's not start naming names, hmm?   
  
The last biggest recurrent theme is the next generation. That scary thing. Either Jareth's, Sarah's, or the Mary Sue's children - or a mix of two of the above. Sometimes, the kiddies are Mary Sue's unto their own rights [8]. The plots behind the children usually follow the aforesaid themes [9].   
  
So there you have it. The most common themes (that I have noticed) running rampant in the Laby fic world. Anyone else seen any others? No, Jareth, I wasn't asking you! I know what YOU think is the biggest thing in Laby fics, and while I admit it is a pretty big subject, I would like to point out that it is usually the topic of HUMOR stories and tights...I mean SHORTS!   
  
Oh, go away.  
  
Goblin Kings. Can't live with 'em..........well, good night, everyone. And I'm serious about the themes. Anyone seen any others?   
  
Oh, and, er...by the by, do me a favor? Don't tell Sarah I wrote this, okay? She wouldn't appreciate it too much, the romance section, at least. Last time I *casually* mentioned that she _might_ be slightly 'interested' in a certain... *cough*kingofthegoblins*cough* ...she nearly had a coronary and chased me down the street with a butter knife and a rotten peach shrieking at the top of her well-trained lungs. Which is why the neighbors all petitioned for a fifty foot restraining order.   
  
And Jareth, if you even *think* about telling her...oh, gee, it's so nice to have your _word_ on it...Jareth? Where are you going - in your owl shape, at this late hour - in such a hurry? You aren't going to fly over Sarah's house, now are you? And just _happen_ to land and re-transform and maybe let this little essay *slip* to her, hmm? No? Of course not...Jareth? Jareth?!  
  
JARETH!!!   
  
********************  
  
[1] A new female character, usually what the author herself is - or wishes she were - like.  
  
[2] Why is it a GUY never has to challenge the Goblin King? Unless, of course, his girlfriend - Sarah/the Mary Sue - is in danger.  
  
[3] Note to Self: always have a vacuum cleaner handy.  
  
[4] Hey, don't knock it. Those suckers can be real nerve-racking sometimes. Ever been in a dark house alone? Scares the crap out of you....  
  
[5] Except, of course, that Mary Sue. She's made of iron. She suffers in unimaginable torment through pretty much the whole story, narrowly escapes death, and comes out in the end without so much as a run in her stockings - what's her secret??!!! Oh, and every now and again, the most powerful creature in the Underground (or at least in the top two), the King of the Goblins, gets to survive...barely...  
  
[6] I'm sorry for making fun of the little faces so much (no wait! This is actually sincere!). Despite appearances, I *like* the little faces, although I never use them (not original to come up with my own) so please don't pelt me with rotten peaches. I'm just being satirical (nice word for 'bitchy'...*gasp* Hey! Where is my censor!!!! This is a 'G' posting!!!!!! I should sue!!)  
  
[7] My favorite of Caillean's work. Actually very original...creepy, but original!  
  
[8] Except the boys. Those are known as 'Billy Bob' in my book.   
  
[9] Oops. Sorry. I think I just got carried away with the footnotes.   
  



End file.
